Dear Ishmel LaBelle :
There never will exist another Scottish Terrier who lived life with such class, pride, intelligence ..so much all rolled up into a little ball of fur who could steal a basketball, roll it around the backyard and giggle as she knocked down yard lights, flowers–oh, you hated those daisies and somehow made certain that doggie soccer ball would roll over the fence and flatten every one and everything in that ball's path. And sometimes you even would let me get a shot into the net…not often…just enough to allow me to be part of the game…your game…just mentioning the words, "doggie soccer", sent you searching for that ball. And your ultimate goal of sinking those big teeth into one so that the air….That familiar "hisssssssssss" of air escaping so you could "SHAKE IT" back and forth with such power–the final ending…till you begged me to find another ball. You knew I kept a healthy stock of basketballs inside the doggie pool in the back of my truck…YOU JUST KNEW SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT LIFE REALLY WAS ABOUT…You taught me so much…'BTD' was our motto–simply BE THE DOG…We were connected from day one and in one another's head; one another's thoughts.
Love simply because it exists…me, Jupiter's Moon, Popo and the new puppy Basil. Oh, Joopie misses you so much. Yesterday, we picked up your ashes from the vet and she began to cry. Dummy me–I should have known that she was still searching for her best buddy. ..You. She cried and walked around every room looking and looking like she does here. She sits atop the couch all day searching and looking around.. "Where is my Ishmel?" "When is she coming home?" I am trying to comfort her the best I can.
The "holes"…how do I fill them? There is no one to share my morning banana with, no breath or fur on the pillow at night to breathe life back into my skin, my beating heart and soul. Yes, I loved to breathe your warm scent into my nostrils each night. It was a comfort..it was life.
And no one shares my banana each morning or brings me squeaky balls to toss while I feed Popo, do the morning routine. There is no routine. Only quiet and two dogs who sit atop the couch searching…constantly searching for their mate…their melly bellie.
The cancer took your spleen and did not stop there. I could not let you suffer my child. Even though I denied, after the surgery and your miracle recovery, to accept the 2 months Dr. Michelle tearfully gave you. You came out of the surgery like a brand new puppy; the neighbourhood kids running over to play; to laugh and to love you. And you were so happy to see them running over and opening the gate, walking you and enjoying so much of your simpleness…all of you..Basil, Jupiter…The kids gave you something that was brand new to me, and you taught me to let them play and love them simply because they existed.
I don't know what to do with myself baby. I wanted to go with you when you passed on. thank you for holding my paws inside of yours. Your eyes told me you were finally too tired to play and as hard as it was to look into those beautiful eyes, because I knew that they were asking me to help you rest…You were braver than I was or ever could be, but I knew you wanted and were ready to go…you were so tired my love. And the kids asked me what was wrong with Ishmel, and I tried to explain although they were so much wiser than me and understood. They love you and miss you and oh the tears…it seems that since your breath no longer substains me, I cannot catch mine, and my heart…like someone is squeezing and ripping the life right out of me.
But I took you that day so that you could catch your breath, finally rest and not be in any pain..no tumours leaking blood were going to rob you of the dignity, love, honour, laughter and love you gave all of us. And you held my paws within your very own through the whole passing onto another place where, I guess, you did not want me to go…your place…your special peaceful place. You knew Freecloude, Zaine, Pal and Stormy would be there waiting…for you..a place where pain doesn't exist.
Thank you for 9 years of loving us simply because we existed…thank you for you…my child, I will try to cheer Joopie, Basil and be the brave and proud Scottish Terrier that you were…I love you…..miss you…so much more words that to express would be un-terrier like. You are and will be with us forever my child. Please rest and play doggie soccer and agility and know that never ever will there be another Scottie called Ishmel LaBelle. See you later my child…I know I will.